Wednesday, January 23, 2008


By Paul Chad Masters

The hatch of the time machine opened, and motivational guru Paul Chad Masters stepped out into the brilliant sunshine of ancient Egypt.

Nearby, thousands of laborers were building a pyramid. Masters noticed that one group wasn't working as quickly as the others, no matter how menacingly the foreman cracked his whip. The author of more than 40 self-help books strolled over and gently took the whip from the foreman’s hands. Then he switched on his universal translator.

"Before you try to build a pyramid," Masters said, "you have to build something far more important: your self-confidence!" Everyone dropped what they were doing and stared at him, mouths agape. How had this stranger unlocked the wisdom of the ancients? they wondered.

"You're building this pyramid for the pharaoh, am I right?" The laborers nodded. "Well, when it comes to building self-confidence, you have to be your own pharaoh! Write that down.

“Now let’s really get serious about drafting your own personal blueprints for life success!” Masters continued, pacing back and forth along the dusty ground. “You and your coworkers are out here every day moving these enormous blocks of granite, but you never seem to move them fast enough. Why is that?” The laborers shrugged and stared down at their leather tunics.

“Maybe,” Masters said, “you’re spending too much time thinking about how you can move these blocks, and not enough time thinking about how these blocks” ― he paused, and pointed to his heart ― “can move you."

"By the fists of Anubis, I never thought of it like that!" one laborer exclaimed.

"Take what you've learned today and get ready for some amazing results!" Masters said, waving goodbye to the cheering men and hopping into his time machine. As the hatch closed and the machine began spinning furiously, Masters settled into his shiatsu massage chair and prepared for his next speaking engagement. Three thousand years in the future, there was a listless group of Easter Islanders staring dejectedly at their half-finished stone megalith. "It's hopeless," they were saying. "We never seem to finish what we start!"

Very soon, Paul Chad Masters would have something to say about that.

(Paul Chad Masters is the author of more than 40 self-help books on a variety of topics. The following excerpt is from his latest bestseller, "Think Like a Pharaoh: Proven Strategies for Life Success!")


Richard Quick, Millionaire said...

Paul Chad Masters was a very promising and gifted sudent of mine; a prodigy. In fact, his first 35 books are dedicated to be. Unfortunately, that damn time machine did some damage to his brain and turned him into an annoying, pretentious dweeb. He began traveling back in time 5 minutes and hiding my stuff just to annoy me. I'd pour a Scotch, he'd go back and move it to another table, unlight my cigar, send my concubine to the grocery store. I had to invest in some sophisticated electronics and banish him from the veranda forever. Be very careful around this one.

See you on the veranda!


PS Wil Brimley is a close friend of mine. It was Venus, not the moon. He just said the moon to throw that asshole agent off his track. RQ

Richard Quick, Millionaire said...

He did it again: He went back in time and added two typos to my previous.

It should have read:

Paul Chad Masters was a very promising and gifted student of mine; a prodigy. In fact, his first 35 books are dedicated to me.

See you on the panda!

Wichard Qwick