Wednesday, August 22, 2007


By Corliss Potsdam

"Ain't no one got a bigger dick than me," Clem declared, grabbing at his crotch through the dusty folds of his denim coveralls. "I just dare any y'all to step right up here and claim they got a bigger engine under the hood!"

The group of alfalfa farmers was silent. Clem took a swig of beer and smiled. "Hoo boy!" he shouted, still cradling his genitals triumphantly. "Ain't enough stamps in the post office to mail this here package, that's what I say!"

Again, no one dared challenge his assertion. "Yessir!" Clem now roared with unbridled passion. "It is proven, scientific fact that I got the most enormous dick around, and if anyone aims to say otherwise, then we got ourselves a mighty problem!"

It was Little Bobby who finally mustered the courage to speak up. "What about Old Man Hoskins?" he squeaked. "Folks say he got somethin' real special in them pants."

"That ain't no dick," Clem snorted. "That's just some old irrigation hose he done affixed to hisself."

"Good Lord, it sure looks like a dick," someone said. "A big ol' dick."

"Hangs out like a dang elephant trunk," another man added.

"He won first prize at the state fair with that dick!" Little Bobby cried out. "I heard it's eight feet if it's an inch!"

Soon all the other men were in agreement that, in fact, it was Old Man Hoskins who had the biggest dick around, and a crestfallen Clem was left to wonder where it had all gone wrong.

(Corliss Potsdam has written for Hoof World, Monthly Cud and numerous other periodicals.)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is great! Sort of a rowdy take on The Emperor's New Clothes. Same sort of rapscallionry (ha!) deflated by the innocent questions of a child.