THE GREATEST INVENTION

By Steven Dellenbach

There had been no shortage of media ridicule when the Professor unveiled his long-lasting chewing gum made of Orangutan hair and old bicycle tires. Later, his so-called colleagues had loudly denounced his designs for a biodegradable sex doll. Even the Professor's mother had gently questioned the wisdom of his adobe hang glider.

But his latest invention would silence the naysayers for good; all that was left was a final test. The Professor covered each of the moose's antlers with a plastic sleeve, then he snapped the swimming goggles into place. When the moose calmed down, he coaxed it into position with some soft grunting and a fistful of pondweed.

The Professor took a deep breath. Was it this simple? Was the solution to world hunger and global warming this laughably simple? He was about to find out. The wash cycle began, and the Professor sat down and waited to see if he had truly created the world's first dishwasher-safe moose.

(Author Steven Dellenbach is himself something of an inventor, having recently filed a patent for the "strapless herring.")