FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE

By Corliss Potsdam

Orville and Clem were eating breakfast when Old Man Hoskins and his comely female companion strolled into the diner.

Clem said to Orville, "You remember when it was Hoskins got himself that new lady friend?"

"I remember clear as day," Orville replied. "Mornin' after that Commie spaceship Spoot-nik burned up in the sky, here comes Hoskins waltzin' through town with this big shiny gal on his arm. Whew! What a looker!"

"How you suppose an ol' prune-faced alfalfa farmer the likes of Hoskins snares a dame like that?" Clem said, taking a sip of coffee. "Why, that girl's got two of the finest pairs of gams I ever laid eyes on!

"But she ain't exactly the friendly type," he murmured, rolling up his sleeve to reveal a bright red chemical burn.

"I know what you mean, friend," Orville said, pointing to the puncture wounds dotting his forehead. "Lady can't take a compliment to save her life."

"Sure is crazy 'bout Hoskins, though," Clem said, staring wistfully at the two lovers. "Just look at her ― beepin' all them sweet nuthins' in his ear!"

(Corliss Potsdam's other tales from the heartland include Paradigm Shift and the soul-stirring Livestock, No More.)