Sunday, November 30, 2008

FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE

By Corliss Potsdam

Orville and Clem were eating breakfast when Old Man Hoskins and his comely female companion strolled into the diner.

Clem said to Orville, "You remember when it was Hoskins got himself that new lady friend?"

"I remember clear as day," Orville replied. "Mornin' after that Commie spaceship Spoot-nik burned up in the sky, here comes Hoskins waltzin' through town with this big shiny gal on his arm. Whew! What a looker!"

"How you suppose an ol' prune-faced alfalfa farmer the likes of Hoskins snares a dame like that?" Clem said, taking a sip of coffee. "Why, that girl's got two of the finest pairs of gams I ever laid eyes on!

"But she ain't exactly the friendly type," he murmured, rolling up his sleeve to reveal a bright red chemical burn.

"I know what you mean, friend," Orville said, pointing to the puncture wounds dotting his forehead. "Lady can't take a compliment to save her life."

"Sure is crazy 'bout Hoskins, though," Clem said, staring wistfully at the two lovers. "Just look at her ― beepin' all them sweet nuthins' in his ear!"

(Corliss Potsdam's other tales from the heartland include Paradigm Shift and the soul-stirring Livestock, No More.)

2 comments:

Hugh Jorgan said...

One time I wrote a (true) story called From King Of Prussia, Pennsylvania With Love. It was about how then-general George Washington sojourned in that area and dreamed of creating the world's largest shopping mall on the spot. There was this huge fight from the developers of the Mall Of America over the definition of "largest shopping mall," and I used up all my funds defending myself, leaving nothing for my publisher. The idea withered, for without a down payment, I could find nobody to publish my tome the way I felt it had to be done, with actual gold leaf and bound with New England cattle hide. The finished draft is in my attic. If anybody wants to talk about publishing my story, I'll try to scrounge it up. Thanks.

Corliss Potsdam said...

It is amazing that in this age of enlightenment, no one has stepped forward to ensure that your important work sees the light of day.