DIRTY BONES

By Diego Steed

According to the official police report, the museum’s Hall of Human Ancestry had been vandalized during the night by an unknown number of intruders, most likely a group of inebriated teenagers or radical creationists. The curator, however, suspected that something far more sinister had taken place.

He ducked under the crime-scene tape and walked inside. Mounds of shattered Plexiglas crunched underfoot as he made his way through the detritus of wrecked exhibits. Soon he stumbled upon several partial Australopithecus skeletons that lay curiously entangled with one another on the floor. Nearby, a fully articulated Homo erectus had been positioned on all fours, with a Neanderthal skeleton crouching lustily behind it.

Whoever did this knew exactly what they were doing, the curator said to himself, noting the soft jazz still playing over the intercom. Then he glanced toward the staircase and saw the museum's prized Paranthropus robustus specimen handcuffed to the railing; the skull of a Homo habilis was nestled in its pelvic girdle, along with a can of whipped cream and a pair of thong panties.

Now it all made sense. The curator had heard stories about the dark and lurid side of paleontology from his European colleagues, but ― call him naive ― he never thought someone would dare film a skeleton porno in his museum.

(Author Diego Steed lives and works in Chatsworth, California.)