WILFORD BRIMLEY GOES TO THE MOON

By Scott Devonshire

"He did what?" Brimley's agent screamed into the phone.

"You heard me," his publicist replied coolly. "He's gone to the moon."

"You're telling me Brimley up and went to the fucking moon, just like that?"

"Just like that," his publicist said.

"So what do we do?"

"Honestly," his publicist said with a sigh, "What can we do?"

There was nothing more to say, really. The matter was settled. Wilford Brimley had decided to go to the fucking moon, and there wasn't a thing anyone could do about it.

(When Scott Devonshire's unauthorized biography, "Being Brimley," failed to set the publishing world ablaze, he began writing short stories that have only served to terrify the Brimley family.)